Tuesday, April 9, 2013

A Letter to Me

As a Coach in Training with LLU's Lifestyle 180, I have thought of my own weight loss this time last year. 
My Before 2-2012
This is me when I began my weight loss. Impressive, huh?
One of the assignments I had then, was recently assigned to this year's participants. 
At this point in time in the program, we had been given all the tools. 
We had learned the things to do.
We had learned how to properly balance our carbs, proteins and fats. 
We learned what our trigger foods may be. 
We had also realized that this path we had chosen was not easy. 
Some of us might be feeling as though we wanted to just throw in the towel and grab a bucket of chocolate and wallow.
We were asked to write a letter to our self. 
More specifically, a letter from the "new, stronger self" to the "quitting self". 
I decided to go back and read what I wrote last year.
It still gets me and maybe you will find something that resonates with you. 
This was taken about the time I wrote the letter.
Dear Jen,
     I have it on good authority that you thinking of quitting this journey you are on. You do remember that it is a journey and not a quick fix, right?  You do remember that journeys are not necessarily straight and even roads, right? You do remember that the end of a journey is fantastic, right?
     I want you to think back to a few short months ago at Christmas.  You were miserable with yourself.  You would not even look into a mirror, other than to make sure your makeup was on correctly.  Now, you can hardly pass one without checking yourself out.  You ate until you were miserable and then wondered why you couldn't sleep at night.  Now you sleep like a baby.
     Do you remember lying bed in the morning on days when you had to leave the house and wonder what on earth you could find in your closet that wouldn't make you look like a sausage?  You worried that people would laugh?  Well, I remember.  You were sad, embarrassed and angry.
     Do you remember your mortification that if you died obese, your husband might have to buy a "big casket"?  
     Why on earth would you want to relive those feelings?  Why?  Is this journey hard?  Of course it is at times, but not every day is hard. Focus on the days that old friends stop you in the grocery store and compliment you over and over and over again on your weight loss.  Remember truly smiling for the first time in ages about that.
     Remember the ease in which you get dressed every morning now...you don't have to stand in a closet filled with crap you bought to try and hide your weight.  You can grab almost anything now and not worry. Focus on the fun you have when you discover that a “new" outfit fits...or better yet, is too big!
     Do you remember being winded when you walked from your car to Shaggy's baseball field?  Do you even realize you don't do that anymore? Why would you want to go back to that feeling?
   Do you realize that you have learned to deal with stress differently? The past few days should have proven that to you.(This was written shortly after Shaggy's friend was killed) You are present for your son and not wallowing in your own pity with a slab of bread and cheese whenever you are sad. Your son is watching you and learning how he can handle the pain of losing a friend. He sees you talking a walk or just being still...THAT is a good thing. He needs you now more than ever and you are here.  You should be proud of yourself.
    And Miss Lollipop Pop is watching you and learning how to treat her body properly. Being a 15 year old girl in high school is not easy...you remember. Turning to food was the way you dealt with those pressures and she is learning that that is not the best way to cope.  She needs you and you are present for her.
    You do know that Sugar Plum Fairy still thinks you hang the moon...and sadly that part will change, but her pride in you is apparent when you look in her eyes.  She loves going on walks and bike rides with you. She needs you are you are present for her as well. Those three kids alone should be enough to put an end to this talk of quitting.
    It boggles my mind that you could even entertain the idea of reliving ANY of the former feelings you have had. You are in the second half of your life and I am 1000% certain that this journey will take you through the best half ever.
 I must say that even after a year, I am so proud of what I accomplished and am still accomplishing.
I am proud to be helping at least a few LS180 members feel the same way.


Cheltz said...

Wow. What a horrible way to feel! You clearly feel soo much better now (and you look great)! I'm glad you've stuck to your goals and have changed your lifestyle! Congrats! (sorry for too many exclamation points :).

Denice said...

Sad to read you felt like this:( Glad for the new outlook on life.

Janice said...

Hi Jennifer, once again I've found a great nugget of gold in your blog. I do not remember this assignment. I will need to revisit it. I've enrolled in the upcomming semester's 365. I wallowed in the Spring, not making any headway so didn't enroll in this past fall. I'm not happy with 'good enough' but need some momentum to keep me going and reach my goal. I can do it. I look back over my progress in the past 2 1/2 years and I KNOW I can. But, I think my letter to myself will prove helpful. Along with revisiting gratitude. :) Thanks for the soul-baring.