Saturday, June 30, 2012

My Feelings on LLU

Several days ago marked the Commencement of Boot Camp 15.  It marked the final day officially of this part of my journey.  My journey by no means ended just had a rest stop before continuing. My battle with weight will continue and I must be diligent in how I respond to bumps on that road.   Many of my fellow Boot Campers are getting together this weekend to meet for the first time and basically have an awesome time.  I am sad that I am not with them and I am hoping hear details from them.
Most weeks since February, Coach Dave hosted a live call. We all called in at a certain time and listened and participated in a class. Wednesday was our final call. There were 59 members who completed the 20 week program and we were asked to share a bit of our experience in Boot Camp on this call. In such a short period of time, many of us have become friends and all of the stories were touching and emotional. This is what I wrote in its entirety.

I am Jen and I live in the center of California. I am a stay at home Mom to 3, ranging in age from 7 - 17 and a wife to one. I started Leanness Lifestyle at 227 pounds and was 225 on day one of Boot Camp.
When I joined Boot Camp, I was miserable in the way I looked and felt. I honestly avoided mirrors other than to put my makeup on and my contacts in. I chose whatever I was going to wear by what would cover me up the most. I felt as though I was in a vicious cycle…I hated the way I looked and felt…so I ate anything that was in the pantry or fridge. I went out of my way to hit the drive thru whenever I could. Then I got fatter and hated the way I looked…vicious cycle. When I finally made the commitment to join Boot Camp and hit the enter button on the computer, I sat there and cried. I felt relief that this might just work…I felt guilt that I had just spent a lot of money on myself and I felt scared that I might fail. I wrote to Coach Jayme and told her all of that. She assured me that it was okay and that what I was feeling was normal. Then Coach Dave said basically the same thing. I took a deep breath, pulled myself up by the boot straps and dove into the Lifestyle with everything I had. 20 weeks later, I weigh 154 pounds...a mere 5 pounds from being in the healthy category!
I have had so many milestones since January…I bought and used a belt…I dropped from a size 20 to a size 10 and there are no Xs on any piece of clothing in my closet. The biggest one is when my 7 year old came up and was able to reach her arms all the way around me for the first time in her life.
I think the biggest lesson I learned in Boot Camp was regarding the Beast. The fact that it is always there…waiting, lurking and trying to get me to take that first bite. Personifying the Beast and separating it from myself freed me from the blame of being obese but allowed me to take the responsibility and do something about it.
The way I feel about myself now, compared to January are polar opposites. I wake up with a smile most mornings and don’t dread getting dressed…it is actually fun. I smile more. I make eye contact with people rather than avoiding it and I look in every mirror I pass and love what and who I see. I am nicer to my family and they in turn are nicer to me and each other…it’s another cycle, but not vicious.
Now that I have graduated (commenced) from Boot Camp, I can be proud of that, but the Lifestyle that I have adopted continues for me. I signed up for a gym membership this morning and will continue the same eating habits…I still have 15 – 20 pounds to lose before I am at my ultimate goal. I see myself journaling and weighing myself daily to stay accountable. I have made friends here that I know will offer support and encouragement as I will for them.
The Boot Camp members have all been supportive to me and I thank them all. Several, I know, will become good friends in the future and they know who they are. I must thank Coach Jayme first and foremost though. Without her open honesty on her blog, I wouldn’t be here. I had felt a connection with her for a long time before her postings and in the end I trusted her with my life…literally. She has always been a cheerleader in my corner and it means so much. I also thank you, Coach Dave for this program. I learned to trust you almost immediately and learned so much more than I bargained for. I love seeing my family begin to implement good eating habits and starting to follow my example. Your no nonsense, tell it like it is philosophy may not be always be popular, but it is always honest and correct. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me my life back and teaching me how to keep it.

The path that I am one has truly changed my life and over the next couple days I am going to open up completely and share more.  

You have been warned. 


Karen Deborah said...

Thank you for sharing this. I felt the same way when I signed up just yesterday and am feeling kind of chicken about going to the to do list today. I listened to a beginners class because the first thing I did was enter the wrong weight and yada yada yada. Isn't it great not to be alone?
I had to laugh at your beast reference only because I call obesity, OBEASTITY!

Nancy said...

Thanks for sharing your story, you look wonderful!

Denice said...

I want to cry......I am SO PROUD OF YOU JEN! XOXO

Becky said...